I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about jumping into this again. It's been four years. You forget a lot in four years and a lot changes in four years. I'm used to being a mom to a very independent, potty-trained, well-mannered preschooler...that's just slightly different than little person that relies on you for each and every thing they do. I don't want to tell you how many ridiculous questions I've googled in the past couple of weeks (to give you an example, "how to breastfeed" might or might not have been one of those). You totally get amnesia to what those first few months are like, and that includes what the heck you do with a newborn. I know it will come to me after he's here, but I've said a thousand times...I'm a planner. I can't help it - I need a plan. So I've done the only thing I know to do: make to-do lists and spreadsheets.
No really...there's a spreadsheet on my computer right now of sleep schedules that coincide with Emmie's school schedule for the first few months. Go on and laugh, you know you want to. But I felt strangely more prepared after making it, no matter how little we'll be able to follow it.
I think part of my nerves come from the fact that Emmie was an incredibly easy baby, and looking back now I can realize how good we had it. She never had a problem with bottles, she was sleeping through the night by 8-ish weeks, and she was incredibly happy when she was awake. I definitely don't say any of that to brag...that had nothing to do with us, it was all her. When you have a good first baby, you hear for years how the second one is going to be trouble. Well here we are...judging by his current movement pattern, the "troubled" second one is currently trying to devise an escape plan.
But as nervous as the next few months might make me, I'm so exited. I can't wait to meet this guy. I can't wait to see who he looks like (we didn't do a 4-D Ultrasound on purpose because I wanted it to be a surprise) and see what his little personality is like. I can't wait to see Emmie as a big sister...she's going to be awesome. She's got more baby fever than I've ever dreamed of having and she already talks about ways she's going to help us with Jackson.
So as for now, I'm doing what I can to soak up this last pregnancy for us. Yes, this is it - the Lambert baby factory is closed for business in a few short weeks. Before this pregnancy ever started, I would say there might have been a doubt or two in my mind about this - there's not now. After what has been kind of a rocky pregnancy, I'm totally at peace with our decision to stop at two. But I do know that, no matter how uncomfortable I am or how much I just want a glass of wine and and a spicy tuna roll right now, I will miss it a little. I'll miss seeing those kicks and having Emmie kiss my belly.
So, I'm living in the moment. I'm (secretly enjoying) letting people wait hand and foot on me and having fun trying to guess what body part is jabbing me in the ribs. I'm enjoying (very slow and short) strolls through my favorite stores, solo, while Emmie is in school. Because I know we're at T-minus 3 weeks until our world is turned upside down (in the best way possible).