Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

October has become a very bittersweet month for me.

On one hand, I love it.  It's the beginning of fall and change - the leaves are gorgeous, there's just a little bit of chill in the air, and everything just feels so cozy.  It really is my favorite season of the year.

But it's also a time of remembrance for me.  As most of you long-time readers know, I lost our first baby on October 7, 2010 at 7 weeks of pregnancy, after a brutal 3 weeks of waiting and wondering.  I also lost our second baby on December 8, 2010 (coincidentally, our 3rd anniversary) at about 4 1/2 weeks of pregnancy.

The year just before and after our losses was the hardest, most gut-wrenching time of my life.  There was lots of praying, lots of wondering, and lots of grief.  I couldn't even start to count the number of tears I cried or the times I asked God, "Why?"

Well, on July 6, 2011, I got my answer.

I found out that Emma Ramey was joining our family that day.  After a very nerve-wracking 1st trimester, I had an absolute dream pregnancy.  But, after you've lost a pregnancy, that fear will always be in the back of your mind.

And that fear is still there, to an extent.  I've talked about waiting to have a second baby (which we do want eventually)...and, to be honest, a big part of that is fear that we're going to have to go through what was our living hell yet again.

But I refuse to let that fear limit our family.  I trust that the doctors with which I have surrounded myself are knowledgable enough to eventually save my pregnancy and my baby.  I also trust that God knows what's best for our family.  Sometimes that isn't all so clear to our human eyes.  But, I know that God's plan for our family brought my Emma Ramey.

And that alone puts everything in perspective for me.

I got an email earlier this week from an organization called Healthy Birth Day that I wanted to pass along.  They are pioneering a campaign called Count the Kicks - promoting the use of counting kicks (in conjunction with regular prenatal visits) in the third trimester as a preventative measure against stillbirth.  You can find more information on their facebook page: www.facebook.com/countthekicks.

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