October has become a very bittersweet month for me.
On one hand, I love it. It’s the beginning of fall and change – the leaves are gorgeous, there’s just a little bit of chill in the air, and everything just feels so cozy. It really is my favorite season of the year.
But it’s also a time of remembrance for me. As most of you long-time readers know, I lost our first baby on October 7, 2010 at 7 weeks of pregnancy, after a brutal 3 weeks of waiting and wondering. I also lost our second baby on December 8, 2010 (coincidentally, our 3rd anniversary) at about 4 1/2 weeks of pregnancy.
The year just before and after our losses was the hardest, most gut-wrenching time of my life. There was lots of praying, lots of wondering, and lots of grief. I couldn’t even start to count the number of tears I cried or the times I asked God, “Why?”
Well, on July 6, 2011, I got my answer.
I found out that Emma Ramey was joining our family that day. After a very nerve-wracking 1st trimester, I had an absolute dream pregnancy. But, after you’ve lost a pregnancy, that fear will always be in the back of your mind.
And that fear is still there, to an extent. I’ve talked about waiting to have a second baby (which we do want eventually)…and, to be honest, a big part of that is fear that we’re going to have to go through what was our living hell yet again.
But I refuse to let that fear limit our family. I trust that the doctors with which I have surrounded myself are knowledgable enough to eventually save my pregnancy and my baby. I also trust that God knows what’s best for our family. Sometimes that isn’t all so clear to our human eyes. But, I know that God’s plan for our family brought my Emma Ramey.
And that alone puts everything in perspective for me.
I got an email earlier this week from an organization called Healthy Birth Day that I wanted to pass along. They are pioneering a campaign called Count the Kicks – promoting the use of counting kicks (in conjunction with regular prenatal visits) in the third trimester as a preventative measure against stillbirth. You can find more information on their facebook page: www.facebook.com/countthekicks.