October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
Today is a day I think about my first two babies extra hard. Of course, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about them. I constantly find myself wondering what they would have been like. And I think I mentioned this a couple of weeks ago...now that I have Emma Ramey, I miss them and think about them even more.
October 7th, 2010 and December 8th, 2010 were the two worst days of my life. Those were the days that I lost my first two babies. It's strange, as a new parent I get the "Is this your first?" question all the time. And every single time I get it I want to tell that person "no" and tell them all about my babies. But I usually just smile politely and say "yes," to avoid an awkward conversation.
Because, for some unknown reason, miscarriage is still a taboo subject. I've said it before and I'll say it again - miscarriage is losing a child. There is nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to hide - that baby should be mourned, because it was a life. I think mothers of miscarried babies don't mourn losing their baby as much as they mourn never knowing their baby...I know I did.
So if you're going through this - I'm saying a prayer for you right now. I'm praying that you have the strength to make it through this time of unbelievable grieving (you will). I'm praying you have a friend, family member, or spouse that you can talk with, cry with, pray with, and occasionally vent at...because that helps too.
And one more thing - know that I have faith for you. I have faith that you're going to get to hold that sweet baby in your arms and take it home one day.
I have faith that, if you never have, you'll get to see that flickering of a heartbeat on the screen one day.
I have faith that you'll get to love your babies on earth just as much as you love your babies in heaven.
Because, you know already, the love for your baby is like nothing else in the world.
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