This is Why I Don't Let Myself Get Bored

I stayed home from work today.  I was just still really, really achy from all of the pain I've had for the past few days, and wasn't feeling up to standing on my feet all day.  The doctor said I might still have some pain, but that it isn't a big deal as far as long-term effects...I'm not worried about it, I just kind of wish it would go away.  So I'm currently in bed and listening to my sweet puppy snore very loudly. :)

I've been trying to do what I could to just keep my mind off of it today.  This is going to sound SUPER weird, but one of my favorite things to do when I'm bored is to stalk wedding/baby registries.  I'm not trying to be a creeper, I've just always been interested in what people buy for their home or baby!  That sounds weird as I type it, so I know you're thinking I'm nuts.  Does anybody else do that?  Just say yes to make me feel better.

So I was thinking...just for kicks...let's see if my wedding stuff was still online.  Well lo and behold...

http://www.belk.com/bridalregistry/bridal_registry_view.jsp?selectedGRHID=8%2C727%2C923%2C304%2C142%2C668&FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374302036082&bmUID=1301492883852

...and my wedding website...

http://tinyurl.com/4tvtz67


How funny!  I thought this stuff would have been taken down long ago.

I look back at that registry and LAUGH.  It was completely impractical...I mean really, who needs that much Arthur Court?  And I have looked at my wedding china a total of once since the wedding.  I was actually talking about wedding registries with some friends at dinner the other night.  One girl suggested we make our registry after we've been married a year or two, when we REALLY know what we need...I thought that was a great idea!

I did have a Target registry (which was my really practical stuff), and another one at a local jeweler for my china, but they weren't there anymore.  It's funny to look back at that now...it's like a time capsule!


**Don't forget to check out my Stouffer's review and BlogHer $100 gift card giveaway!  It ends April 11th**

A Good End to a Doctor's Visit...Amazing, I Know!

Saturday night, we were at a wedding in Birmingham.  Towards the end of the reception, I started having really, really bad stabbing pains on my right side.  I gave it a little bit, and they just wouldn't go away.  By the time we got back to the hotel, I had taken two Goody's (which my husband SWEARS by, I don't get it), and was crying it hurt so bad.

I tried to sleep it off.  I woke up Sunday fine, but by the time we were at lunch, they were back.  The pain was shooting down my leg.  I was finally able to get home and take something, and spent the rest of the day in the bed.

I clearly freaked my family and my husband out a little after all of the problems I've had, so at their encouraging insistence, I called my regular OBGYN yesterday, just to see what they thought.  They got me to come in for an ultrasound today to make sure it wasn't anything major.

And amazingly, I left my OBGYN with good news...that's never happened! Haha!  No cysts at all...they could even see the baby follicles starting to grow, but no cysts around them.  Their best guess is that I might have had a small cyst that ruptured this weekend, which was causing all the pain.  It didn't do any damage though, so we're ok.

Plus, I got to see my OBGYN for the first time since the second miscarriage in December.  She really is the BEST doctor.  Let me just say, if you don't trust your doctor, especially after the past year we've had, it's just not going to work...I learned that first-hand about a month ago. :)  I have 100% confidence that she's doing everything she can to look out for ME... that is so refreshing after this experience.  She also agreed with our decision to stop the drugs, which made me feel so much better about our decision.  So just all around a great experience!

I was pretty proud of myself too...I haven't been in that ultrasound room since the day we confirmed the first miscarriage, and I had been dreading going back.  It wasn't bad at all though!  I think it's just a matter of being so comfortable with the nurses and doctors in that office that I didn't even think about it when I was in there.

Yay for GOOD days in all of this!

Planning

Officially no baby this month, as of yesterday morning.  I was pretty bummed, and came and got back in the bed and told Noah "no 2011 baby."

For the longest time, I've had just this thing with the year 2011.  This sounds silly, but since long before we even started trying, I just knew this was going to be our year for a baby.  As the possibility of having a 2011 baby started winding down, it's just seemed like another part of "the plan" just gloriously blew up in our face.

Whenever I find out a month didn't work, I always go figure out what my due date would be if I got pregnant the next month.  It's weird I know, but it's just a way I cheer myself up, and try to focus on the future rather than dwelling on the negativity that just happened.  So I went and did that yesterday morning.  Want to know what my due date would be if I got pregnant this month?

God has little ways of reminding me He's got the situation under control...this was one of the more obvious ones though.  So I guess "our plan" hasn't gloriously blown up in our face just yet.  But I am also quickly learning that "our plan" has nothing to do with THE plan.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11

Bad Day

(Possible TMI warning on this post - it's not bad, but the guys may want to skip this one.)

I'm fine.  I know I worried some of y'all yesterday - everything's ok.  It was just one of those "perfect storm" kind of afternoons.

After school yesterday, I realized I had started spotting...a week early.  So basically there goes another month.  Especially when I was pretty sure I was having some kind of implantation cramping (one little part was cramping...felt like someone was poking me).  It was just one of those "Grrrr...." kind of moments...nothing to necessarily make a bad day, but definitely doesn't enlighten your day either.  (See bottom of post if you have any insight on what the heck my body is doing.)

Within two hours of that, I also heard some great news about some friends.  The kind of great news that makes me so, so happy for them, but so, so sad for us.  Tuesday's are also my long day at school (I'm usually there from 7:30-5:30, with no breaks), so like I said, just a perfect hot mess of a storm.

I had had it by 5:00.  I got a co-worker to cover the late shift, and just absolutely broke down in the car.  I'm talking hyperventilating, snot running everywhere kind of crying.  I hadn't had one of those in a while, so I needed it.  I'm sure everyone driving around me thought I was a freak show though. :)

My husband is SO good at knowing what I need in times like this.  He took me out to dinner (with my red swolen face and all).  Chuck's sushi is NEVER bad...

 ...and he brought me flowers.  Even if they're $4 flowers from Food World, they're still special. :)

So I'm here now, just waiting for another month to be over.  I guess I put a lot of stock in this month, because it took us 4 months to get pregnant the first time, and it's been 4 months since the second miscarriage.  Dumb, I know.  We also have A LOT of people having babies right now...I very easily know one person a week having a baby for the next two months.  So it's just constantly in my face, and I can't run from it, and it's frustrating.

There.  My pity party is over.  Don't let me start it again, at least for another few weeks. :)

Is there anybody out there that has been through a 7 day luteal phase before?  Yes, I know, that's freakishly short.  It happened last month too (exact same thing, 7 days exactly after I ovulated I started spotting, period started 3 days later), but I thought it might just be a fluke.  I am 100% sure the Clomid has messed my body up...I NEVER did this before.  I regret the day I took that SO much.

Ok, back to the question...anybody had experience with this?  I'm on 100mg of B6 to counteract an already sort of short luteal phase, but it's not working.  I thought about Vitex, but I'm a little scared of it...I've heard bad things about it too.  It's a little early to go to my OBGYN about it (because I WILL NOT go back to those fertility doctors), but I'd like to fix it sooner than later.  Any insight would be awesome!

**Don't forget about my Stouffer's review and chance to win a $100 gift card from BlogHer!**

Prayers Please?

Unspoken prayer request (for now).  Nothing major, just a couple of really crummy coincidences today.

Just please continue to pray for strength and persistence for me...because that's what I'm struggling with the most.  I just really have the feeling sometimes most of the time that if I have to deal with this baby stuff for one. more. day, I'm going to scream...loudly...in the middle of a crowded area.

Why is it that when it rains, it pours?

Blogging Day of Silence for Japan

 

For more information on this and fund raising efforts, go here. 

St. Patrick's Day and March Madness

I've got a fun St. Patrick's Day meal!

Noah, like any good Irish man, loves him some corned beef and cabbage on St. Patrick's Day.  I've never made it before, but it was so SUPER easy!  Combine that with the fact that corned beef and cabbage were on sale last week, and you've got an awesome St. Patrick's Day meal.

All you do is put the corned beef/spice pack that comes with it in the crock pot, cover it with water, and let it go on high for 4 hours.  Then, chop up your cabbage, add a few cups more water, and let it go on high for another 2 hours.

The cabbage will look like this when you first put it in, but cooks down.

Take your corned beef brisket out...

...slice it against the grain really thin, and serve with horseradish...so good!

Noah swears that corned beef, cabbage, and horseradish sandwiches are awesome.  I guess we'll see today.

I also made squash casserole because I had some squash to use up.  I had never made this before, so I just looked up a few recipes, and made my own based on those!  Here's what I came up with:

Squash Casserole

4 Squash, Chopped

1/3c Milk

1/3c Sour Cream

1 can Cream of Mushroom Soup

1/2 sleeve Saltine Crackers, crushed

1c Cheddar Cheese

1/4c butter 

Saute the squash in a tablespoon of the butter, until soft.  Meanwhile, combine the milk, sour cream, cream of mushroom soup, half of the crackers, half of the cheese, and the rest of the melted butter in a mixing bowl.  Fold in squash.

Put this mixture in a greased casserole dish.  Top with remaining cheese and cracker crumbs.  Bake for 25 minutes at 350 degrees.

I was pretty proud of how it turned out...Noah loved it!

____________________________________

On a completely different note, does anybody else do March Madness brackets?  I really don't get into basketball until this time of year.  There's something about March Madness that is SO much fun!

Here's my bracket for this year.  Just know I know NOTHING about how good any of these teams are...which usually means I do pretty good with my brackets! HA!

(Click on it to make it full sized.)

Don't forget to check out my review site for a chance to win a $100 Visa gift card from BlogHer!

Living in the Moment

Lately, Noah and I have really tried to see the positives in our current situation.  Yes, we don't have the most important thing, but there are some things to praise about this (and every bad) situation.

Like the fact that we can just pick up and go, whenever we'd like, without really thinking about much.  I've tried to remember this every time we've gone out to eat or gone out with friends over the past few months.  While I'd MUCH MUCH rather be in the other situation, I'm very thankful that we do have that freedom, and that we're financially able to do that.

Last Wednesday morning, Noah woke me up by asking "Why don't we go to New Orleans this weekend?"  So we went, without having to find a babysitter, or worrying about a baby all weekend, or creating a financial hardship by going.  The fact that we're still able to do that makes me very thankful, even in the middle of this storm.

Normally we decide to go out of town much earlier than 2 days before, so we're able to save by going through a hotels.com or priceline.com...not this time though.  It's ok, I just hate paying full price for a hotel.  But life will go on!

We stayed at the Ambassador...it was really conveniently located, and it was the cheapest we could find for that weekend!  Not a bad deal.

We were able to go through restaurant.com to get a few good restaurant deals...this is the way to go when you're traveling!  You can usually pay about half price for a really good meal by doing this.  We went to a sushi bar for lunch...SO SO good!  You combine sushi and fried food, and you've got a happy Leslie.

We ended up eating casino buffet Saturday night.  I know you're thinking that sounds insane...but y'all, I am a SUCKER for a casino buffet!  They are so so good.  I literally just ate crab legs...I probably had 4 plates!

Other than that, we met up with some friends, watched some basketball, and just generally had a good time.  We NEEDED it...you know you just need to get out of town and clear your head sometimes?  That's what we both needed.

And don't worry about Hardy...he stayed with the grandparents this weekend.  Here he is with my in-laws' cat, Chief...aka his BFF.  They are INSEPARABLE when they're together.  It's so funny!

If You've Got Some Spare Change...

Ashley has been a bloggy friend for about 2 years now.  Her blog was one of the first blogs I designed, and we've kept in touch ever since.

Ashley and her husband are currently in the process of adopting a baby from South Korea.  They got a referral SUPER quick (which is a good thing!), but adoption is incredibly expensive, and their fundraising has gone into high-gear since the referral came earlier than expected.

If you can, please go here and check out her adoption store.  You can also donate directly by going to her blog above.


Her dream of a baby deserves to come true too!

New Pictures of My Guy...

Noah and Hardy had guy time this afternoon...it was super sweet. :)  I got a few pictures...

 

 

How Could I Forget?

(image courtesy amazon.com)

I am reading a book right now that is INCREDIBLE. I meant to mention it in my post the other day, but completely forgot.  Somebody coincidentally posted a comment asking me about if I had read it on that same post!

The name of the book is Making Babies.  You can find it on Amazon here. (Y'all know I love Swagbucks - I was able to order it with Swagbucks on my iPhone for $12.99!)

I found this book through another blog a few weeks ago.  I really like the concept.  One of the authors was the first doctor to perform an IVF in New York - and is opposed to the standardized treatment of infertility going on in this country right now.  I have the same exact opinion - I feel like, no matter what your infertility issue is, you go through a few months of Clomid, then have a few IUI's, then have IVF - no matter what your issue is.  Personally, I feel like there's something wrong with that.  I feel like, as much as we're paying doctors, they should find a personalized treatment that is best for that patient.  Yes, Clomid is the best treatment for many women, but it's not good for many that take it - and they are given that medicine anyway.  It's a problem with the treatment of infertility right now, and needs to be addressed.

This doctor is incredible - he looks through the individual (and sometimes minuscule) problems that hinder infertility, and addresses how to fix them.  Then, he looks at natural treatments of infertility issues.  I am a big advocate of natural remedies right now, so I am loving this book.  He also looks at lifestyle changes that we don't even consider that can improve infertility.  It really is a must-read if you're having problems with fertility...or even trying to get pregnant!

I'm not saying this book is a cure-all, but I have read several cases in which this book has worked...check it out!

Au Naturale

So no baby this month.  I'm really not too upset about it this month...I already knew that the odds were stacked way, way against us with the cysts and Noah being sick.  I had my pity party this weekend, and I'm moving on.

I went in for my baseline appointment today.  I went from having 3 cysts to just 1!  We think the one that's left is just the really big one still shrinking(that one was originally 5cm, and is now around 2cm).  Blood work looked fine, everything's a go.

Except for one thing.

The nurse asked me at one point "Do you have your Clomid called in yet?"  Umm, about that...

Noah and I have been talking for the past couple of weeks about everything we're doing for this.  Something just hasn't been sitting well with us since I started Clomid.  We didn't like the way it made me feel, we SURE didn't like the cysts (which I've never had before, and I fully blame on the drugs), and it just didn't feel natural, or like we were doing the right thing.  I've been researching other options.  I found Femara (which is supposed to work like Clomid, but without the side effects), but once again, something about doing the drugs right now just doesn't feel right.

So I'm not taking them, simple as that.  I've been really torn on this decision in the past few days.  Part of me feels like I'm not doing everything I can, but part of my feels like I'm playing God.

(...sidenote on that...if you are on fertility drugs or seeking help to get pregnant, I'm so not saying you're playing God.  There are women that most definitely need these drugs and procedures, and I feel like they're here and we know about them so He can help you.  I just don't think I'm one of the women that needs these right now.)

Anyway, back to business...so I was really torn on the decision, and I did the only thing I knew to do...pray for God to lead me in the right direction, leave it up to Him, and hope I knew something by today.  It was hard to just give it up (the first time I really have done that), but I didn't really know what else to do...even up until this morning.

And then, as I was having the conversation with the nurse, it dawned on me.  I've never felt like God was leading me like He was this morning.  Every bone in my body knew what the right thing to do was.

The people from the doctor called me this afternoon to set up a conference with the doctor (which I would have to do to switch to another drug), and I told them I would need to talk to my husband, and I would call them if I did decide to set it up.  But I won't...not yet at least.  I'm not saying I'll never take fertility drugs again, or I won't do something bigger if needed, but it's not the time right now.  I'm tired to trying to force this (and my forcing is obviously not working).

So what are we doing?  I'm still going to temp, I'm still going to do OPK's, and I'm still going to take the cocktail (which is...

100mg Vitamin B6
Prenatal w/ DHA
Calcium, Magnesium, Zinc supplement
1 Baby Aspirin
Red Raspberry Leaf pill (only until ovulation)
12 hour Mucinex (only until ovulation)
*Adding Vitamin D supplement, since it was low originally

...all of that, once a day), but we're just not doing anything medically.  If I am pregnant at the end of this, I go to my OBGYN IMMEDIATELY and get blood tests.  Most importantly, I'm learning to quit be so stinking Type A and give this one to God.  I'm stubborn, and I'm a planner, I know these things, and this has been by far the hardest part of the plan.  But I'm getting there.

And I feel really, really good about it.