Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Au Naturale

So no baby this month.  I'm really not too upset about it this month...I already knew that the odds were stacked way, way against us with the cysts and Noah being sick.  I had my pity party this weekend, and I'm moving on.

I went in for my baseline appointment today.  I went from having 3 cysts to just 1!  We think the one that's left is just the really big one still shrinking(that one was originally 5cm, and is now around 2cm).  Blood work looked fine, everything's a go.

Except for one thing.

The nurse asked me at one point "Do you have your Clomid called in yet?"  Umm, about that...

Noah and I have been talking for the past couple of weeks about everything we're doing for this.  Something just hasn't been sitting well with us since I started Clomid.  We didn't like the way it made me feel, we SURE didn't like the cysts (which I've never had before, and I fully blame on the drugs), and it just didn't feel natural, or like we were doing the right thing.  I've been researching other options.  I found Femara (which is supposed to work like Clomid, but without the side effects), but once again, something about doing the drugs right now just doesn't feel right.

So I'm not taking them, simple as that.  I've been really torn on this decision in the past few days.  Part of me feels like I'm not doing everything I can, but part of my feels like I'm playing God.

(...sidenote on that...if you are on fertility drugs or seeking help to get pregnant, I'm so not saying you're playing God.  There are women that most definitely need these drugs and procedures, and I feel like they're here and we know about them so He can help you.  I just don't think I'm one of the women that needs these right now.)

Anyway, back to I was really torn on the decision, and I did the only thing I knew to do...pray for God to lead me in the right direction, leave it up to Him, and hope I knew something by today.  It was hard to just give it up (the first time I really have done that), but I didn't really know what else to do...even up until this morning.

And then, as I was having the conversation with the nurse, it dawned on me.  I've never felt like God was leading me like He was this morning.  Every bone in my body knew what the right thing to do was.

The people from the doctor called me this afternoon to set up a conference with the doctor (which I would have to do to switch to another drug), and I told them I would need to talk to my husband, and I would call them if I did decide to set it up.  But I won't...not yet at least.  I'm not saying I'll never take fertility drugs again, or I won't do something bigger if needed, but it's not the time right now.  I'm tired to trying to force this (and my forcing is obviously not working).

So what are we doing?  I'm still going to temp, I'm still going to do OPK's, and I'm still going to take the cocktail (which is...

100mg Vitamin B6
Prenatal w/ DHA
Calcium, Magnesium, Zinc supplement
1 Baby Aspirin
Red Raspberry Leaf pill (only until ovulation)
12 hour Mucinex (only until ovulation)
*Adding Vitamin D supplement, since it was low originally

...all of that, once a day), but we're just not doing anything medically.  If I am pregnant at the end of this, I go to my OBGYN IMMEDIATELY and get blood tests.  Most importantly, I'm learning to quit be so stinking Type A and give this one to God.  I'm stubborn, and I'm a planner, I know these things, and this has been by far the hardest part of the plan.  But I'm getting there.

And I feel really, really good about it.