…I could even begin to thank you guys for the support, prayers, personal stories of hope, and just general well-wishes over the past couple of days. I have to admit, I’ve caught myself checking my email when I’m feeling down to cheer me up. It feel SO good to know that we are covered in prayer right now. I know that, at this point, there’s really nothing else we can do…it feels good to know that so many are helping us with that.
…my husband knew how much more I have fallen in love with him over the past few weeks. He has been my ROCK throughout all of this. When I’ve needed to cry, he’s been there. When I’ve needed to yell, he’s listened. When I’ve been illogical, he’s told me I was being dumb and talked sense into me (which I need very badly sometimes). I don’t know what I would have done without him.
…doubt would stop ruining every happy moment. Every time I start to feel better, I feel like this nagging voice is there to remind me what’s going on. It almost has me convinced that I’m not allowed to be happy right now, and I HATE that. It’s the devil, I know…and I would appreciate it if he would go away.
…I had absolutely no clue what my progesterone levels were supposed to be, what beta numbers are for 7 weeks (or 6 weeks, whatever I am right now), what doubling times even meant, and exactly what symptoms I’ve had at what times on what days. I wish I was just blissfully, ignorantly pregnant, with no clue (medically) what was supposed to be going on.
…I could get back to my normal things. My (super) mom has been cleaning my house and cooking for us, and Noah’s been doing anything else around the house. There’s no doubt I appreciate them so, so much, but I want to feel normal again. I want to do my normal things. I want to get out of bed (which is pretty much where I am 14 hours a day right now) and live again.
…I didn’t feel like this was somehow all my fault. I’ve had so many people comment that it isn’t, and I know it isn’t, but then I go back to the day I didn’t take my vitamins, or I had that Coke, or took that hot shower, or I stayed on my feet too long in one day, and it makes me question if I did this or not. It’s the most heartbreaking feeling.
…I knew how Sonic makes their Strawberry Sparkling Lemonades, so I would quit wasting $1.50 every day.
…what Hardy’s thinking. He knows something’s up, but just not what’s going on. He hasn’t left my side in the past few weeks though…I’m talking I walk in another room, he walks in the room with me. It’s almost like he’s trying to protect me.
…this week was over.
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