Ok, vent time.
Lately, I've been having a really hard time with not having kids. It's like I have two opinions on it - the first one says that it is smart to wait, we're young, and we just aren't financially ready to have a child. But the second part wants a child more than I can ever express. And that second part is getting bigger and bigger by the day.
It's just that every time I see an ultrasound picture or a friend's baby pictures, it makes it even harder. That is the job I was made to do, that's why I'm here, and I can't do it yet... you have no idea how hard that is. And, don't get me wrong, I love reading blogs about other people's pregnancies or babies, but it kind of rubs in the fact that I don't get to do it yet even more.
I think it's just the fact that it's a Sunday - for some reason, Sundays are always hard on me with this. Mix that with the fact that it's just gloomy outside today - I'm just really down today about all of it. It just seems like it's SO long away. Each day is becoming a bigger and bigger struggle.
Every day for the past few months, I've prayed for either a way to have children soon, or the strength and patience to deal with the wait. It's just not coming, and I really don't know what to do anymore. If you don't mind, could you pray for the same for me?
It feels good to finally write this down. It's not just infertility that can keep women from becoming mothers sometimes.
25 comments:
Oh Leslie, I know roughly how you feel. My husband and I are 24 but sometimes we feel like the oldest couple we know that doesn't have kids. My husband is still in grad school (about 6 months away from his PhD) and he wants to be a college professor. We always said we'd wait until he had a job teaching for at least a year, so we'd know that he'd have a job the following year when I'd be home with the baby.
Reasonable, right? Some one just needs to tell my uterus that! I also worry about money too. We only have a mortgage payment, no school loans or anything, and we know lotsa couples who have kids and multiple loans.......but still. I look at baby stuff to know how expensive my nursery would be!
We also have only been married for a year...we're still in that selfish stage where we like to have each other to ourselves. Spur of the moment trips, dinner on a dime, that sorta stuff.
Leslie,
This is a hard discussion. We were married for 7 years before we got pregnant. We actually didn't want any kids. Then everyone around us was getting pregnant, etc. The hubs was like, I want a baby, and it was all over after that.
I was 29 when I had Caden. Do I wish that I would have had him when I was younger? YES! Absolutely! I completely regret not having kids at a younger age. You will never not have enough money, time, etc.
You need to decide what is right for you. Do you want to be a stay at home mom? Working mom? If you want kids, how many? How many years apart do you want them, etc.
One thing I can say from experience is that once got put the burden and longing in my heart to have a baby, things fell into place. Kurt was looking at it from the financial standpoint, and didn't see how we could do it. But when I got pregnant, God immediately started providing! Do what He leads you to do, and He will make a way for it.
I will pray for you as I know this is a difficult struggle. I have wanted to have a baby since I was like 8 years old...no kidding, I've just always wanted to be a mom. After my husband and I got married we started praying about having children and just like one of the other commenters wrote, once God put that on our hearts there was no turning back. Do we have all of our debt paid off? No. Are we where we would want to be financially? No. Did we have children at a young age? Yes. Would I do it all again in a heartbeat? Without a doubt. The one thing I will tell you is that once you have a baby, everything changes. It is a wonderful change, but a change just the same. There are some things that I wish my husband and I would have done before having our baby (taking that vacation or going away for a weekend, etc.)that are a little more difficult to do now. I will pray for you that you will have a peace one way or the other. His timing is not our timing, but thank goodness His timing is always perfect. I truly believe that He will give us the desires of our heart....in His perfect timing (or He will change that desire to align with his will!)
Praying for you! =)
Leslie,
I know how you feel. My husband and I started dating when I was 23. We got married when I was 26. We were married about a year and I really wanted to start a family. I was 29 years old before we got pregnant. My daughter is 3 and 1/2. I can honestly say that God's timing is best. All of my friends have much older children than I do. But that's okay. We are loving every minute of it.
Gosh, I so understand how you feel! I actually have this pit in my stomach telling me I will never be able to have babies. It's just one of those weird feelings, you know? I feel like all of my friends are getting pregnant as well (we are 24). We got married a year and a half ago and are really happy. Do I want babies more than anything? YES! I have prayed about it and lately I feel God telling me to wait. I am far too selfish right now to take care of another human being. My husband and I like to go to Gator games and take spur of the moment trips and re-do our home and all other types of fun things! I just know that right now is not my time.
I hope that God shows you your path and gives you a calmness about it.
Boy, can I sympathize with you! I think about this all the time. I really try to tell myself that even though we can't start trying anytime soon (for financial reasons) that it is for the best.. we can have more time as a couple, we can be selfish, etc etc - I am still so jealous of everyone around me who seems to be moving on to that stage in their life. I know two girls who gave birth over the weekend and another who announced her pregnancy last week - I feel like every time I hear someone else's good news it tears me up a little inside. Depressing. When have you guys thought about trying?
Leslie-
You are definitely in my prayers for whatever is meant to be, as far as patience with waiting or having children soon. I'm also praying a prayer for peace for you with this situation.
Paige
Leslie, I totally hear you on this post. I am praying that you receive peace and direction for you both!
You'll be in my prayers! :)
I do not think there is anything, ANYTHING stronger than that urge a woman feels to be a mother. I was ready about 3 years before my husband...then again he was never ready.
I agree with many other commenters, there will never ever be enough money, but God always provides. If anything, having a baby has made us better with the money we have.
I remember just rolling around in my bed with this ache in my stomach so severe that I thought I might die. I just wanted a baby so badly.
I found for men, it's easier to take baby steps. My husband would have never just said, "Today is the day I'm ready to start a family."
So we took baby steps. I got off birth control and we used other methods....pretty soon he didn't like those methods and started being risky...and then a few months later, I announced I was pregnant. He had to be ok with it!
I did take him about 9 months to warm up to the idea, but as soon as our son was born, I watched him fall in love in front of my eyes within seconds.
I know you just worked so hard to get your teaching degree, but...you could take a few years off to stay at home with your children and design blogs!
I prayed for you last night when I read this, because I know that horrible, ache that one feels for a child. And it doesn't go away.
I got married and pregnant before any of my friends. I was the trailblazer. But now, all my friends (seriously like 20 of them are getting pregnant!), I've started to ache for a second baby. Although it's not as strong as when I wanted to start my family, it's definitely strong.
Love Helen Joy
One more thing,
I wrote this poem a few months ago and the first line is how I think you are feeling.
http://helenjoygeorge.blogspot.com/2009/05/weight-in-my-arms.html
Leslie, Hey girl! Just wanted to say that you are never finacially ready for a child. Trust me! haha! If you want a baby now....then go for it! You never know how long it will take you to get pregnant either. Good luck and I'm praying for you with this one. It is a life changing decision, but it's the best thing that will ever happen to you. Love you girl!
Beth
IMO, you'll wait a long time til you think it's just right. You'll always think, "well, let me get this paid off" or "wait til we finish this..." Like someone above said, when you finally just DO it, God makes a way. Mine are 13 and 11 YO twins now and I would have had them the year we got married if I'd known how much fun it would all be. Also, I thought they'd change our lives. They fit in SO well and we've done everything we wanted with the kids right along side. :)
Josh and I were 20 when Griffin was born! 20!!!!! Seriously! Financially stable...no. But like others have said, the Good Lord knows when the time is right for you and he will provide. I'll keep you in my prayers!
xoxo
I don't think you are ever financially ready for a child. When you have the baby it just seems like the money pops up out of nowhere - like God knows and will help you provide. I want another baby right now but Kyle says No Way... I am sorry you are dealing with this :-( I will be thinking of you!
Leslie,
Not sure how I came across your blog, but I did. As I read your post, all I could think was "that's me!" I've been married a little over 2 years (and working) and I'm 23 years old. I've been wanting a baby for a year! Finally, we've decided to start trying in May. I'll be 24 and my husband 25. I worry that people will think we are too young because so many people wait until they are 30 now, but we have saved enough money and will have all debt paid off (except mortgage) so that I can only work 2 times a week! For the past year, I've made it a goal to get all that done. There's nothing easier to work toward than the goal to have a child. It's been such a struggle for me because I WANT a child so bad, but now that I see everything coming near it makes things so much easier. I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one out there. You know when you are ready and it doesn't matter what other people think, so when you're ready, analyze the situation and go for it.! Best of luck!
Ashley
Leslie, you are in my prayers! God will tell you what to do! It is so tough to wait for things that you want so badly. I feel like all my friends are either having babies or getting married. Before this summer (when we got engaged), I longed so much to get engaged and plan my wedding. Thomas and I are going to have been together for 7 years this month and I was ready for that next step. I prayed harder than ever, and then God gave me peace about it, then it happened! I am adding you to my prayer list and hopefully you will get a peace in your heart about this soon!
God is a CREATIVE God! When there seems to be no way, He finds it... I know what it feels like to desire something so strongly and feel like it's never gonna happen....but if you let Him, He will be your peace...He's been for me! Praying for you!
I am that mama who waited (I was 30) and Im so glad I did. I went to school, went to school some more (i loved college), built my career, got married, then had a baby. It was the perfect progression for me. I really dont think I would have been as equipped any earlier. BUT, everyone is so, so different and when your heart calls, it calls. No matter when you choose to have a baby, it WILL work out and it WILL be amazing. I think the blog world can be hard....reading blogs where us moms talk on and on about our babies! I cant agree with everyone enough that the finances really do work themselves out.
Leslie,
I know exactly what you're going through. I've been married for a little over two years, and have wanted a child for probably that long, too! :) I had to deal with my older sister being pregnant, and then when my younger sister got pregnant as well, it was more than I could take. I cried for about two days because I wanted a child so badly. But, like you, we felt it would be better to wait. Well...surprise, surprise!! We found out about five weeks ago that I am unexpectedly expecting! God has a plan and the perfect timing! You'll have a child when he thinks the time is right! It'll happen! In the mean time, I'll keep you in my prayers. I have been there and know what it's like!
You are definitely in my prayers for whatever is meant to be, as far as patience with waiting or having children soon. I'm also praying a prayer for peace for you with this situation.
Work From Home
I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years now and we just had our first child in March (I'm 33!). We waited for 8 years before "trying" and then it took us almost 2 years to actually get pregnant. I went to several specialists, acupuncturists, and was scheduled for IVF when we found out I was pregnant naturally. We had a list of reasons on why we should wait to have a baby and then it took us a lot longer than we would've ever imagined to actually have one. My point is: I don't think you're ever READY for a baby, but you have to do what's in your heart and trust that God will provide. Because He will...no matter what your circumstances are. Good luck to y'all. I'll keep you both in my prayers.
Leslie -
Sara's comment (right above mine) is my exact concern. I am going to be 30 in May. My "plan" for myself always included have a few children before I turn 30. That wasn't in God's plan. My husband and I started trying a little over a year ago, I miscarried in December, and we are currently still trying. I just want you and your husband to take into consideration that even when you decide you are ready, God may have different plans. It takes the average couple 5-6 months to conceive. It is worthwhile to take that into consideration when planning your family.
We did receive good news last week...I do ovulate! My husband and I are hopeful that God will bless us...just in His own time.
I will be praying for you during this difficult time. I understand the feeling of wanting to be a mother and having to wait. Thank God for our furry-haired children! I don't know what I would do without my precious puppy!
Hang in there!!
I know exactly how you feel! My hubby and I have been trying to have a baby for almost a year and it has not happened yet :( The worst part is that everyone I know & their momma is pregnant- including my bff and my sister in law. I know in Gods timing it will happen for us and for yall as well! Good luck:)
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