Ok, vent time.
Lately, I’ve been having a really hard time with not having kids. It’s like I have two opinions on it – the first one says that it is smart to wait, we’re young, and we just aren’t financially ready to have a child. But the second part wants a child more than I can ever express. And that second part is getting bigger and bigger by the day.
It’s just that every time I see an ultrasound picture or a friend’s baby pictures, it makes it even harder. That is the job I was made to do, that’s why I’m here, and I can’t do it yet… you have no idea how hard that is. And, don’t get me wrong, I love reading blogs about other people’s pregnancies or babies, but it kind of rubs in the fact that I don’t get to do it yet even more.
I think it’s just the fact that it’s a Sunday – for some reason, Sundays are always hard on me with this. Mix that with the fact that it’s just gloomy outside today – I’m just really down today about all of it. It just seems like it’s SO long away. Each day is becoming a bigger and bigger struggle.
Every day for the past few months, I’ve prayed for either a way to have children soon, or the strength and patience to deal with the wait. It’s just not coming, and I really don’t know what to do anymore. If you don’t mind, could you pray for the same for me?
It feels good to finally write this down. It’s not just infertility that can keep women from becoming mothers sometimes.
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